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The Myth of Male Power
Warren Farrell
(1993). Simon and Shuster: New York

Warning! Reading this book could cause a mid-life crisis. This book says what many men have felt in their guts without finding the words to describe. Talk about identity crisis. Here are many of the reasons why men feel so powerless in a supposed male dominated world.

Warren Farrell is a paradox. He is a male writer with feminist credentials writing about men. He was on the board of the National Organization of Women, NOW. He has talked on women's issues. He obviously respects the woman's movement and the women in it.

Warren Farrell also writes extensively about men. He has written about men's issues since the mid-70's (The Liberated Man) and is a pioneer in the men's movement. Only a man with his credentials could have written this book. And this book about men needed to be written. In it Farrell outlines with a myriad of examples why modern men are burnt out. He talks of the male mission, most often to protect women and children at the cost of their own health and even life. By doing so men have become what he calls "the disposable sex."

How did men learn to risk their lives to protect the very women they supposedly oppress? How did men who are supposed to be on the top of the world, according to feminist thought, become crushed by the weight of the world they are upholding? Why do men feel burned out instead of burning with enthusiasm? Warren answers these questions with exhaustive examples of how men are straitjacketed by cultural expectations into roles that are neither emotionally or physically healthy.

This book outlines the betrayal of men by the patriarchy. And it is important to realize that the betrayal has come from older men, not women. The feminist movement has been justly fighting for years for rights that men thought they had. Now it becomes clear that both men and women have a need to liberate themselves. It is just that men are only now starting to realize their own need for liberation.

Warren outlines examples of this masculine betrayal when he talks of war and military training. Warren calls the modern military man an armed prostitute. Men are trained quite early to be disposable, and the military man is the prime example of this disposability. Paradoxically, besides being trained to be disposable men in the military are not trained to be dominant but subservient. Men are taught to dispose of their lives on some other man's orders. While women, the supposedly subservient, are protected from any of these hardships or choices.

Does this masculine training make for better, more satisfied men? Apparently not. More ex-soldiers have died from suicide after the Vietnam war than died during the war. Even in the 1980's more men in the military committed suicide than were killed in Lebanon, Grenada, and Panama combined.

And men commit slow suicide in peacetime. Just one example. Today men live 7-9 years less than women. A Black man on average will live 14 years less than a white woman. Men die earlier than women from all fifteen of the leading causes of death. In the 1920's the difference was one year. Today, most of the these causes of death are stress related. Increased stress causes increased death. And men are much more the stressed sex than the powerful one.

Why do men let themselves go through life being subservient, stressed, and sickly? Warren gives two answers. The first is that men are really looking for the love and approval of women. As he says, "Most men are still invested in getting women's love by protecting women." Men are taught to be the best lookouts around in order to get the best women around. This explanation follows a major theme in my book concerning the negative emotional dependence men have on women. Warren gives an interesting statistic on this dependence. A 30-year old man whose wife dies is eleven times more likely to commit suicide than a 30 year old man whose wife is living. He concludes that "it is the loss of love that devastates men."

So rather than go through the process of loss and liberation, the main theme in my book, a man will kill himself, suddenly or slowly. He allows himself to be disposed of. All this for the love and respect of a woman who is often unappreciative of his sacrifice. A man learns to perform in order to protect. And the success of his performance is crucial to whose love he will win and how he will keep that love. Performance, to a man, is loss insurance. Performance anxiety also leads to the stress that kills him.

How did this system come about and why do women no longer seem to appreciate men's performance. Warren's second answer lies in the changing face of heterosexual relationship, the changing face of marriage. As I have written in my essay, women no longer look to men only for protection. Up until the feminist movement men were taught their role in marriage was to keep the family financially and physically secure, what Warren calls a Stage I marriage. In a Stage I marriage "the woman raised the children and the man raised the money." The couple were team partners with a division of labor that worked to raise a family. A man showed his love by performing his role well.

Today, the women are changing the rules. Now women are looking for "soul mates" not "role mates." Women are redefining love for men and most men are mystified by the change. Modern women have been changing their roles in the middle of their marriages. Men have not been consulted. Women have created a Stage II marriage where sharing common interests is as important as sharing a house and children. In this stage love means sharing feelings rather than paychecks.

Yet men are not good at Stage II marriage. They have not been trained in this. The manual only covers Stage I. Continually failing the test becomes very stressful.

As Warren says, "To him, his wife seemed to define communication as her expressing her negative feelings..." So men are stressed at work and then stressed at home. One big prescription for burnout. And ulcers, heart attacks, chronic fatigue, and alcoholism.

Men are still reeling from this change of rules with no idea how to feel good about it. Men are at a loss for how to feel good at all. The myth of male power leaves most men both confused and clueless.

Warren Farrell talks of some answers. He talks about the fact that this culture is both a patriarchy and a matriarchy in different parts of society. The patriarchy has the power of protector, the matriarchy exercises the power of the protected. He rejects both roles and talks of both men and women needing to come to a true partnership of responsibility and intimacy. Both sexes must take responsibility for the survival of the family unit and the protection of children. Both sexes must learn to have a Stage II relationship where each will have their intimacy and connection needs met.

Warren Farrell talks of actually starting a Stage II society where there are equal rights for men and women, especially around family roles. In supporting the aims of the mythopoetic movement he emphasizes the role of fatherhood along with the role of feeling. Men need to be fathers as well as have fathers. In encouraging men to be active, concerned fathers, society can create a new generation of sons able to hold up their end of a Stage II culture. And men who emphasize their fatherhood will find a road to their own, more fulfilling manhood.

Ultimately Warren looks to men to rescue men. He talks of creating a new men's movement that liberates men from the cultural straitjacket of protection and performance. He talks of liberating men from the competition for the most beautiful, sexually satisfying woman. He talks of men finding a new mission creating true political and emotional equality with women. His book should create many mid-life crises. When enough crises are created perhaps a true men's movement will follow.

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