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October, 2001

Guest Essay by Mica M. Renes, Dr. of Naturopathy, Homeopath
First guest essay by a woman who has an interesting and important perspective on male psychospiritual growth.

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The Spiritual Evolution of the Penis

The male sexual organ has its own place in the process of individuation and the development of love, compassion and spiritual growth. Sometimes there are phenomena on this spiritual path that are perceived as problems. Erectile difficulty is one of these phenomena. Often penile function disturbs men and their partners alike. Viewed from another perspective, erectile problems and emotional disconnection can be experienced as part of the ongoing process of sensitization of the whole body which takes place in the process of spiritual growth.

The 'natural' and unguided development of male sexuality is devoid of deeper feelings, leaving just the sensations of lust, erection and ejaculation. With some additional technical guidance about how to get a female partner to cooperate in the so lusted for act, orgasmic potency does not extend any farther than the male sexual organ itself. Except for some movement that results in a deep breathing exercise a penile sneeze, the practice of sexuality does not live up to its transformative powers.

The sense of emptiness and separation, combined with the male physical lassitude and sense of victory, is the source of a multitude of complaints by women. These complaints are sometimes accompanied by well meant suggestions about the ins and outs of female sexuality, including the the location of G spots, the ups and downs of excitement curves, and the pleasure of emotional connection.

A somewhat enlightened male, as a result of this education, will do his best not to fall asleep immediately. More skillful males will learn how to prolong their sexual activity, even if it means distracting the mind from the penis and his sexual partner by visualizing unexciting objects such as sail boats or baseball cards. This is done to provide the partner with a sexual connection that is at least satisfying to her. So the mature loving male is one who provides sexual satisfaction till all is well and the penis can take over. Sometimes this is followed by another act of tender loving care that lasts long enough to meet the Masters and Johnson rules of good lovership while not violating any of the Shere Hite information.

The brave and lonely hunter

Hormonal input, created mostly by visualization and fantasies, or the other way around of fantasies responding to hormonal release, seem to create erections that have a life of their own. This is the way Mother Nature has created males to get them to act bravely, and nudge even the shyest specimen into pursuing a female and into competing with other men. The inspiration to connect is based on lust and a need to release the pressing buildup of semen. After the act has been successfully completed, the male body returns to a 'normal' state of relative disconnectedness. Till the next time.

The male body is also programmed in a way that makes the sexual act into an unrelated affair. Boys just entering puberty sometimes confuse their sexual feelings with the normal feelings of love and affection for their mothers by suddenly hugging their mothers in an inappropriate way. Healthy mothers give signs of this inappropriateness that sends a message to young adolescents. This combined with the cultural habit of not touching or hugging boys as they grow up helps create an abyss between sexuality and nurturing. The physical makeup of boys plus cultural habits not allowing touch make it very difficult for a male to connect with love and tenderness. So penile activity creates a split and separation that, although necessary to develop healthy male courage and aggressiveness, creates a sense of loneliness and loss that becomes part of the male psyche.

Young boys are taught not to touch their penises. Most American males are circumcised, adding a tremendous memory of pain to the sexual organ. The foreskin has the same cellular make up as the eye lids and serves as a smooth protection of the sensitive skin at the top of the penis. Removal of the foreskin creates a hardening and desensitizing of the penis, making it very difficult to feel a soft touch and get aroused in a gentle way.

Growing up and not being touched anymore in a loving way, dealing with erections that seem to have their own life, being surrounded by negative connotations about a sexual organ that keeps asking for attention, causes a man to suffer from a double standard of having to be capable and mature, while the Thing Itself is still considered dirty, aggressive, hurtful, untouchable, and uncontrollable. For all these reasons, the penis ends up going its own way and will stay disconnected until a bridge is built between touch and caring and sexuality.

The bridge

For a mature male to rediscover connectedness a bridge needs to be made between the disconnectedness of the penis, its lust and need for ejaculation, and the sense of being loved and cared for. For a man those two are often diametrically opposed.

Boyhood, except for sport related contact, is physically lonely. After the loneliness of boyhood, many men learn somewhat to enjoy being touched, but cannot and do not relate it to sexuality, except as limited to foreplay. They have to get out of contact the moment their penis gets involved.

Some men have learned to become good providers of sexual joy for their partners, using their bodies and even their penises to becomes servants of satisfaction for others. The bonus is an accepted but disconnected ejaculation and perhaps a sense of being a good provider.

To enter a stage where love can be shared totally there are two roads to travel. One is to allow the whole body to accept the joy of touch and being touched. To enjoy and be enjoyed can evolve into a whole body connection, and often , for the first time, the sense of being deeply involved with another human being.

However, this kind of physical connection often brings up confusing and unexpected feelings and memories of loneliness, alternating with sensations of lust and disconnectedness This struggle to stay connected and be in passion at the same time often results in erectile problems. The penis, not knowing what to do with being connected, refuses its function, either because it does not want to create disconnection or because of fear of engulfment from such intense feelings of connection.

Another reason for a lack of erection, or the dissipation of one, is the dichotomy between the good feeling of being a provider of joy for a partner and the sudden, very personal and deep joy that sex suddenly has to offer. Confusion results because of the habit of being disconnected coupled with intense new feeling.

Another reason men can trip on the bridge to sexual love is the sense of aggression that is related to male sexual function. This sense of aggression does not have a place, yet, in the more loving and more total acceptance of sexuality. To really feel the penis and the lust and the connection to partner at the same time can create a fear of hurting the partner. This is true especially because of the shame of disconnected sexual performance in the past, as well as the familiar feeling that The Thing is doing its own thing and out of control.

The basic way out of this dilemma is to to nudge the penis out of its culturally and physically induced loneliness and dirty, bad boy status, and welcome it for the first time as an integral part of the spiritual being in the male human body. This is only really possible in relationships where love is involved. Love provides the intention, trust, and patience to gently learn the process of connecting, enjoying and playing together. In this way a heart connection is made with the sexual organ, letting it feel for the first time the deep involvement and mystical experience of shared sexuality.

The evolution

Many men who are sensitized through this process start having orgasmic waves through their whole bodies without ejaculating, even losing their erection for a short time while in the vagina. Some men who learn connectedness without intercourse, due to erectile problems, experience the same almost orgasmic waves through their whole body. It takes patience and gentleness and insight into the process the give the man a chance to integrate these orgasmic waves with the still shocked penis, so that penetration and full body orgasms can be combined with physical orgasms and ejaculation when that is desired.

It is also important for men as well as their partners to communicate and allow the penis to sometime disconnect and just be in lust. The task for the woman is to let it happen until it does not feel good, and then draw her partner out of his disconnection. Trust is an important factor. Trust needs to be built between partners so that the male will listen and come back into connection, and for the man to believe that his partner will stay with him during the process and be honest when it does not feel good any more. This teaches the more aggressive, sexual penis to be in and out of connection without losing the total connection or losing the heart/love communication. It works like a sexual peekaboo, where connection and disconnection is exercised and played with.

The spiritual evolution of the penis, going through its erectile ups an downs, is made through the heart connection. The deep involvement of the whole body and the emotions restores the natural mystical experience of sexuality. Balanced and joyful sexual energy creates depth, love, wisdom and great healing for men, as well as for the socially and politically distorted expression of masculinity.

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